first timers

​I recently told this story to my therapist, and it made me think of what it was like to be a 14 year old horny pubescent girl. I wanted to be touched, I wanted to explore, I wanted to be intimate with my boyfriend, but at the same time I was incredibly embarrassed about my desires. Our first time having PIV intercourse was after dating for 10 months, when I felt that we cared about each other a lot. While I had ideally wanted to wait until our anniversary (for no reason other than a year seemed to be an arbitrary benchmark of a relationship which would last), he was quite pushy and kept asking me if he could go inside of me. I got tired of saying no to something that I wanted to do, and so one night in November we snuck over to an abandoned construction site near my house with towels and condoms and did the deed. It was rushed and clumsy, but exhilarating and thrilling. I was so happy to be sharing the experience with someone I cared about, even if neither of us knew exactly what to do. We tried all the positions we had watched in porn - doggy style, cowgirl, even one where he picked me up and bounced me up and down while we kissed. None of them was as great as we thought it would be! I don't think either of us even ended up coming before we had to run home. Still, it was a great time, and eight years later is one of the most memorable sexual experiences I've had. I don't regret the experience, only the shame I felt from feeling that I had to be the one to wait and say no, and that I was somehow betraying my morals by wanting to share sex with my boyfriend.

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