Having sex with a dog in the room watching you is weird. Having sex in a room with an elderly dog (who won’t stop crying, for the love of god, please it’s New Years Eve) is weirder. But having your partner be more attentive to the crying elderly dog is WEIRDEST. Seriously, I should have known right then and there that we weren’t emotionally connected anymore.
I wish I had realized in that moment but I realized a few weeks later… in missionary position. It’s amazing how crying can be both beautiful and heartbreaking.
It amazed me that I was crying and also that he wasn’t noticing that I was crying. How disconnected were we that we could be close as physically possible but still be afraid to look in each other’s eyes? I don’t remember how we stopped or started that night. But what I do remember is knowing something between us had changed. Our bodies didn’t understand each other anymore; struggled to find a comfortable rhythm.
I wish he knew I cried. Maybe he cried? We should have talked more.