Make the Yuletide Gay, or, How I Butt-Dialed My Mom In the Middle of a Threesome

December 19, 2016

 

I'm a queer woman in my early 20s living in NYC, and this is the story of how I butt-dialed my mom in the middle of a threesome.

 

So this hookup was already bizarrely close to home because one of the women (A) was a friend from middle school (we met on the bar-mitzva circut and were baby gays together) and the other (O) lived in my neighborhood growing up and we went to the same summer camp. We were all at a Christmas party at A's house (very aptly named "Make the Yuletide Gay) and flirting pretty heavily, and eventually everyone else left and we started hooking up on A's living room floor (watched by a very fabulous tinsel-bedecked goat head mounted on the wall).

 

At some point, lying on the floor with two gorgeous women on top of me, I become aware of my phone being really uncomfortable in my pocket so I pull it out and HOLY SHIT IT'S DIALING MY MOTHER. So I hang up real quick and put it aside, and we all keep doing sexy things, and THEN SHE CALLS BACK. Then A tries to silence the phone/toss it away, but apparently she accidentally picked it up, and I didn't notice for the next 20 or so seconds, during which we went back to sexytimes with my mother on an open phone line the entire time. Gaaaah.

 

To this day, I don't know whether my mother heard anything incriminating--she never mentioned anything to me--but ohhhh my god I still cringe horribly whenever I think about it.

 

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