"I decide what my virginity means to me"

November 21, 2016

 

My sophomore year of high school I was approached by a senior on my sports team about hooking up with his best friend. This best friend was extremely attractive and someone I had a crush on, so I said yes. From February to August when he left for college we hooked up every now and then. I knew he wanted to have sex because during the second time we were hooking up he asked. He took me to senior prom and tried very aggressively to have sex but I was still on the fence. I didn't think he liked me that much as a person and wasn't sure about losing my virginity to him. The night before he left for school he invited me over. We smoked cigarettes in his backyard then went into his basement. We were making out and eventually were naked. Without really asking, his penis was slightly in my vagina. I said nothing. My silence was taken as a yes and I laid quietly while he attempted to have sex with me but I was too tight. Eventually he gave up and went to the bathroom. I went to put my clothes on but I suddenly touched something wet. I went into the bathroom next and I was bleeding horrendously. The blood was dripping down to my ankles. I spent 20 minutes cleaning myself off then asked him to drive me home. I didn't feel any different I was just glad he went to college. A week after he left a boy in my grade kissed me in our friend's basement. We eventually started dating. In November we came home early from a school football game because it was pouring raining. We ate soup in his kitchen then went upstairs. We started kissing while taking off our wet clothes. A week earlier he had asked if he should buy condoms and I said yes. We laid in his bed looking at each other when he opened up his bedside table drawer and pulled out a condom. He asked if I wanted to have sex and I said yes. I took his virginity that night. After we put on dry clothes and laid in his bed for a while. I felt so safe and comfortable and happy. I think of that time as the real time I lost my virginity. I felt empowered and free. I decide what my virginity means to me, not social norms.

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